Here’s a link to an article that Marian Gage, Family Law Lawyer, and Kathryn Jankowski, Financial Divorce Specialist contributed to in Yahoo Finance!
http://ca.finance.yahoo.com/blogs/pay-day-/financial-planning-second-marriage-182821020.html
Enjoy!
By Fareen L. Jamal
On September 19, 2012, Statistics Canada released the 2011 Census data on families, households and marital status. This event occurs only once a decade and it discloses important lessons regarding Canadian families and their living arrangements. The new data reveals that individuals are choosing family structures that result in more complicated personal and legal relationships.
Some of the highlights of the families, households and marital status survey for family law professionals are:
These trends demonstrate an increase in competing family interests. The families, households and marital status survey is rich with facts and analysis that will be of interest to family law professionals. Click here to link tot he Statistics Canada Families, Households and Marital Status Report and data analysis:
http://www12.statcan.gc.ca/census-recensement/2011/as-sa/98-312-x/98-312-x2011001-eng.cfm
Fareen Jamal
Bales Beall LLP
2501-1 Adelaide Street East
Toronto, ON
M5C 2V9
Tel: 416-203-4538
Fax: 416-203-8592
fjamal@balesbeall.com
by Fareen Jamal
“What separates those who can obtain a smart divorce from those who can’t is this quality of being prepared to move on. They’ve done their mourning, to the extent that mourning is involved. And they have come to recognize that they are not victims. ‘This is what life has to offer. So let’s move on.”
~ Jeffery Wilson, cited in Deborah Moskovitch, The Smart Divorce, (Chicago: Chicago Review Press, 2007).
Often, couples fail to properly address their grief following the breakdown of their relationship and the loss of their marriage. The grief of losing a life shared, your identity as a couple, your security and even your beliefs If you fail to come to terms with the fact that you are divorcing emotionally from life as you know it, the legal process of divorce can become almost impossible. I have had many a file where the parties’ inability to let go of their anger blinded them from noticing the damage their decades of litigation had on their children and personal lives. They were going through the legal divorce failing to address their emotional divorce.
Failure to identify this grief and to deal with it constructively can result in a long, arduous and expensive legal process.
Arnold Schwarzenegger comments on the emotional impact of his divorce from Maria Shriver, after he fathered a love child with the couple’s housekeeper, in his upcoming book, Total Recall: My Unbelievable True Life Story. The New York Daily News revealed that Mr. Schwarzenegger continues to believe that he is in denial and still hopes for a reconciliation with Ms. Shriver.
Divorcing couples must acknowledge that a divorce can divide assets and liabilities, and arrange for child or spousal support but it cannot punish your spouse for his or her bad behaviour during or after the marriage. It cannot guarantee that your support payments will be made or that access schedules will be smooth and problem-free. It cannot make your spouse change, nor will it return your life to the way it was.
Collaborative family lawyers recognize and address the grief. Perhaps you need to give yourself a period of mourning. Then focus on how you want your life to look. Create a strong support network and recognize that you are not alone. Professional help through parenting experts, financial specialists and therapists can also help regain control of your life. Collaborative family lawyers routinely draw on other experts to assist in the process.
As you deal with your grief, it will become easier to make legal decisions that are in your best interest. Divorce with dignity, and move on. And find a process that will support you in doing so.
Fareen Jamal
Bales Beall LLP
2501-1 Adelaide Street East
Toronto, ON
M5C 2V9
Tel: 416-203-4538
Fax: 416-203-8592
fjamal@balesbeall.com
by Meredith Cox
I have to get on the bandwagon and write about the latest news about Seal and Heidi Klum. They were the celebrity couple that was going to make it. Their marriage seemed perfect…to the outside world. They are two extremely talented parents with four adorable children. The first comments to hit the tabloids were from Seal. He was still wearing his wedding ring and said he loves his wife. From one report I read, it sounded as if Ms. Klum was not so quick to take off her ring either. The couple is known individually and collectively for extremes of beauty and lyricism. If their early statements and conduct are any indication, we can expect them to set the diamond standard for separating couples everywhere. We will just have to wait and see how this unfolding story turns out.
I started to think about my ideal recipe for the Heidi Klum/Seal collaborative family law process and what I would say if one of them came to my office:
1. Start with the foundation of the collaborative process. Understand what you are agreeing to do. It will not be like an episode of The Good Wife. No one is going to get off on a technicality. You will not be finished in one hour with commercial breaks. It took time to get in this mess and it will take time to unravel it.
2. Bring a healthy serving of love, caring and/or respect to the table. It can be one without the other two.
3. Be aware that being concerned about the other person’s well-being is not a bad thing. Be generous. Stretch a little even if you are mad or disappointed.
4. Really think about how your children are going to fare. This requires you to put them first before your own agenda. I mean “FIRST.” What you do now will be forever in their eyes and hearts. You are setting the example that will govern their conduct in relationships.
5. If you have done something really bad in the eyes of the other person, own it and apologize. Deal with it up front and move on. If you do not do this, expect the issue to hang over the bargaining table like an overflowing compost bin.
6. Do not refuse to give relevant information to the other person. If you do, there will be lingering doubts. The minute the phrase “none of your business” enters the discussion the other person will be hurt, suspicious and angry. Progress will grind to a halt.
7. Watch your language. You do not need to score points with verbal swordfights. Think about how you would like to hear the message you want to deliver.
8. Do not be shy about the time or costs of involving family professionals and financial professionals. They are there to support you, create options and provide vital information. Ultimately, their input will be critical to your success. If you do not know what they can do for you, ask.
9. Listen to your lawyer. We are there to advise you and help you make decisions.
10. Above all, use your own brain. Think. Be prepared to offer options and solutions. Do not allow this to just happen to you. No one will make the decisions for you. You are part of the process. It is your divorce or separation. It is your family. It is your future.
Meredith Cox
Sweatman Law Firm
11-1400 Cornwall Road
Oakville, ON L6J 7W5
Profession: Family Law Lawyer
Tel: 905-337-3307
Fax: 905-337-3309
meredith@sweatmanlaw.com
www.sweatmanlaw.com