Tag Archive: negotiation

1. How Separated Parents Could Think About Mother’s Day and Father’s Day…

   May 31, 2013 10:50 am Leave a Comment

   

   By Marian Gage

   I just celebrated my seventh Mother’s Day as a mother.  As always, I got to sleep in.  It’s the one day of the year when I am guaranateed a sleep-in.  I can start the day slowly.  I can shower and get dressed alone without my kids asking for everyting from breakfast to that puppy dog hair clip my daughter got in a loot bag three years ago and now just remembered.  My husband whisks the kids away early (ususally in their pajamas). They come back at a much more civilized time with coffee and my kid-made gifts they created at school.  We enjoy the rest of the day together.  It’s all very nice.

   On Father’s Day my husband knows he can expect the same royal treatment.

   THis makes me think about so many of the divorce cases I’ve had where we’ve been negotiating Mother’s Day and Father’s Day schedules for children.  I’ve had some really nasty cases, as I’m sure most of us have, where Dad doesn’t want to take the kids to see Mom on Mother’s Day because it’s “his” weekend and they’re going for bruch with Grandma, or where the parents fight over time, down to the minute, that they will spend with the children on each of these special days.

   In high conflict cases parents can end up spending outrageous amounts of time and money arguing over minutes – will the children be home the night before, or by 7:00a.m. so that Dad can spend the entire day with them on Father’s Day, or will it be noon after breakfast with Mom and Grandpa?

   There is, of course, a much more enjoyable way to spend the holiday, even if you’re separated.  Mom…why not sleep in on Mother’s Day and let Dad wake up at the crack of dawn with the kids, and bring them over later?  Why not reciprocate on Father’s Day and give Dad the same opportunity?  Or, if your former spouse just loves waking up early with the kdis, why not offer a break later on in the day?

   Separated parents who work collaboratively can find a way to enjoy all of the Mother’s Day/Father’s Day perks on their special days.  It’s worth exploring!

    

   Marian G. Gage
   O’Connor MacLeod Hanna LLP
   700 Kerr Street
   Oakville, ON L6K 3W5
   Profession: Family Law Lawyer
   Tel: 905.842.8030 x3312
   Fax: 905.842.2460
   gage@omh.ca
   www.omh.ca

2. Collaborative Family Law Saves Resources in the Future

   July 10, 2012 10:57 am Leave a Comment

   By Christine A. Torry

   Like many of my colleagues, I have learned some fundamental truths working in the field of family law for almost 30 years. Those lessons are what led many senior practitioners to endorse the use of collaborative practice for the resolution of family disputes.

   One of the most basic truths is that despite the wish that a client may have to never deal with an “ex” again, with few exceptions, an ongoing relationship will continue for many years, usually as parents or grandparents, or for financial support.

   The cases that have been resolved through the traditional court process have a high rate of return to the court, for future problems. Family separations involve ongoing rights and responsibilities whether dealing with the parenting and time share of children, child support or spousal support. And there are always changes in the future that need to be addressed. Children get older and want to change residence, perhaps live with the other parent. There are activities to decide upon, and whether they should be competitive level or recreational. Children go to university and the cost sharing has to be decided. One parent may believe a child should contribute to post-secondary education, and the other may want the child to experience Europe for the summer. A payor loses a job, or retires, and needs to have support changed. A recipient remarries. If the parties have not learned skills to help them negotiate and reach agreement on future changes, they revert to the first method used, such as court. They can’t reach agreements so they go to someone, like a judge, to make the decision for them. The cost is significant in terms of time and financial resources.

   As a family law lawyer, there are many clients who I represented in a court process, that come back to the expense of litigation when they need to change something in the original order.

   One client separated in 2001 and obtained a court order resolving custody, access, child support and division or property over a year later. They had 2 children; a boy born in 1988 and a girl born in 1993. In 2007, the matter returned to court as the son was in college living away from home, and the costs had to be sorted out. A court proceeding was needed as the parties could not reach an agreement directly. That took about a year of court time. The client returned to my office again this week, as the daughter is starting college in the fall and the cost sharing needs to be agreed to. It is likely that a further court action will be required to sort that out as well.

   In another situation, parties were married for 10 years and were involved in court litigation for 8 years to reach an agreement on all of their financial issues. Two years later the eldest child began University away from home. Another court proceeding is needed and takes the full four years of the child’s attendance at University to get resolved. They also have a son, who is in Grade 11. Likely another court proceeding will be required in 2 years when he starts university.

   A third situation was in litigation for 5 years, and was back in court on at least four occasions over the next 10 years to address issues, resulting from a payor’s lost job, and a child’s post-secondary school program extending beyond one degree.

   I have represented clients in collaborative proceedings for almost 10 years. Interestingly, not one has come to see me to deal with a change. They somehow manage to do it themselves. They recognize that they need to work together in the future, and invest in creating a working relationship through the use of the collaborative process, to help them solve disputes as they arise. More importantly they don’t see the solution from a win or lose perspective. They are able to work on solutions that address everyone’s interests, particularly the interests of their children.

   From my perspective, considering the anecdotal evidence, there are strong reasons why parties should choose a collaborative approach to resolving their separation. It is time and money well invested in their future.

   Christine A. Torry
   Willis & Torry, Barristers & Solicitors
   35 Queen Street South
   Mississauga, ON L5M 1K2
   Tel: 905-819-2970
   Fax: 905-819-8379