Statistics Canada released new 2012 data stating that 40% of all marriages end in divorce. With such a high percentage (albeit in a decline in recent years) why is divorce still a taboo, personal matter? Well, other than slinging the ‘he-did’, ‘she-did’, shame-blame personal stories that get flogged it appears that our own transitions are regarded as personal whereas some love to hear the gossip of what happens behind others closed doors. Let’s have a look at Tori Spelling and the recent Star Magazine cover stating that her and 46-year old hubby are going splitsville. Tabloids, hungry for buyers who are, in turn, hungry for gossip know that this stuff sells!
Tori Spelling retorts in her blog and the Star Magazine releases her story that the claims are false ( http://www.star-magazine.co.uk/posts/view/47253/Tori-Spelling-angry-as-false-divorce-reports-upset-son/ ) but like all gossip….it’s been said, right?
So, since this is a blog relating to collaborative divorce then what’s the tie-in you might ask? Collaborative divorces are completely private. No one can request court records or negotiation materials which are open to the public…because there aren’t any. Robin Williams knew this when he went through the collaborative process just a few short years ago. No mud-slinging!!…and no one knows what the settlement was between him and his wife. If you know of someone who might be wanting some privacy during their divorce proceedings you might want to look at the collaborative process.
Kathryn Jankowski, B.A., CFP, FMA, FDS, FCSI
Vice President and Financial Divorce Specialist
T.E.Wealth
710-26 Wellington Street E.
Toronto, ON
M5E 2S3
There are a small number of family law matters that head to court and must be decided by a judge. They often involve parties, one or both of whom, have mental health issues, or drug, alcohol or other addiction issues. In some court cases, the parties are feeling so angry, hurt, afraid or betrayed that they cannot or will not consider any alternative to court. They become entrenched in their positions. Hollywood is rife with examples. Remember Jon and Kate Gosselin? Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards? How about the very public and ugly custody battle between Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger over their daughter, Ireland?
Fortunately, that is a very small percentage of family law matters. There are also Hollywood divorces where the parties used Collaborative Family Law to deal with their separation and divorce amicably, collaboratively, and privately. We heard virtually nothing of the details of the divorces of Kobe and Vanessa Bryand or Madonna and Guy Ritchie, or Robin Williams and Marcia Garces Willes. They all used Collaborative Family Law to settle their custody, support and property issues.
In collaborative practice, the separating couple retains a well-trained team of experts – collaborative lawyers, family specialists and financial specialists. The team’s goal is to help the separating couple resolve all matters arising out of their separation with integrity and in a dignified and respectful way, without going to court. Each member of the Collaborative team utilizes his or her own expertise to assist separating couples identify their underlying needs, desires, concerns and fears. We help clients maintain control of their lives and their process. And compared to court, it is less costly, speedier and much more private.
Collaborative practitioners believe in the integrity of the collaborative process. We believe that, first and foremost, families need to reconfigure their family unit in the best interests of their children. Husbands and wives may become ex-husbands and ex-wives, but hopefully not ex-fathers and ex-mothers.
Collaborative practitioners strive to facilitate their clients’ empowerment through the process. We want to offer the best and highest of what each professional has to offer to ensure the best possible result for each of the separating parties, keeping the children’s best interests front and centre.
Dedicated Collaborative Practice professionals undertake ongoing training and continuing education to ensure we do our jobs to the best of our ability. And it is both a sophisticated and varied education. In September, many Collaborative Practice professionals will attend the Ontario Collaborative Law Federation (OCLF) conference in Barrie. We will take workshops on a whole range of subjects: understanding neuroscience to assist clients to obtain a better outcome; engaging the reluctant spouse; integrating advocacy and neutrality to avoid and manage impasse; overcoming impasse; powerful non-defensive communication; using technology to improve inefficiencies in your Collaborative practice team.
In October, the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP) will hold its 13th Annual Networking and Educational Forum in Chicago. There will be workshops on: the value of a child specialist in negotiating custody and residential arrangements for children; the value of a family business expert where divorce involves a family business; learning to recognize different communication styles; the use of forensic accounting in Collaborative Practice, how to deal with domestic violence in Collaborative Family Law cases; learning to assist clients with balancing legal mandates for support and the need for flexibility tailored to individual family financial circumstances. Seasoned, experienced collaborative lawyers, family specialists and financial specialists will train and mentor newcomers.
No matter whether it is a Collaborative Family Law Lawyer, Collaborative Family Specialist or Collaborative Financial Specialist – we are all learning and sharing practical skills, training, exploring, discussing and debating constantly. As Collaborative Practitioners at the forefront of an exciting and dynamic movement, our goals is to provide the finest expertise to assist people to separate and divorce, and reach resolution with dignity, respect and integrity.
Diane F. Daly
Collaborative Lawyer, Mediator & Arbitrator
165 Cross Avenue, Suite 301
Oakville, ON L6J 0A9
Tel: 905-844-5883
Fax: 905-844-9765
By Kathryn Jankowski